Tag Archives: shame

Do You Really Need Your Ego?

29 May

Your ego is your friend. Am I right? No! That’s WRONG! Your ego is your sworn enemy. In fact, if you died tomorrow, your ego could not care less. Of course, when your body dies, your ego dies too. But your ego doesn’t know that.

At birth you had no ego. But as you grew you began to develop this ego to help distinguish your being from others. My name, Michael Luckman, and my ego differentiate me from all other humans. And thus I live and act in an ego based world.

The reason I dislike the ego so much is because it constantly compares us to others. We ask ourselves: Am I as smart as Roger? Is my home larger than my neighbor’s? Am I taller than John? Is Bob a better baseball player? Am I as pretty as Suzy? Is my car more expensive than Sam’s? Is my dress sexier than Sharon’s.

When the answers to these inquiries are yes, you feel pretty good about yourself. But what happens when the answer comes back a no? What then?

Typically, the first emotion you feel is fear, and a total emptiness inside. Then comes a loss of self-esteem followed by a loss of self-confidence. And when that happens you are unable to function at your best; at work, at home and at play.

What would happen if you killed off your ego and stopped listening to it? Actually nothing. Nothing, except for the disappearance of all negative feelings of jealousy, frustration, fear, rage, shame, anger, embarrassment, depression, inferiority and worry (did I miss anything?).

Not a bad tradeoff. Right?

With Love,

Michael

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Life is More Than a Journey – It is an Adventure

21 Feb

I’m sure you’ve heard this statement before, Life is a Journey. In fact you could even consider it a cliché. But it’s true. Life is a journey. But I like to take it one step further and call it an adventure.

I believe that there are three types of people in the world. Those that live in the past. Those that live in the future. And those who live in the present. We each know people in all three categories, and as you read on, you may even recognize yourself.

For those living in the past their belief is that their best days are behind them. They are either reliving their past glories, experiencing once again those good and positive feelings about themselves. Or, they’re besieged by nightmares of past mistakes, errors and failures. Feeling the shame and the embarrassment over and over again.

For those who live in the future they see glory, wealth and fame just over the next horizon. All they need to do is just slog through another day. Hoping and wishing that they’ll win the lottery, or some other stroke of luck will happen to them. Or, for some, they live in fear of the future constantly worrying about when the next catastrophe will occur. They fear the future because they fear the unknown.

And then there are those who live their lives now, in the present. Here you’ll find the smallest number of people. A very slim minority.

People who live in the present know that their life is a gift from God. That they do not live in a chaotic Universe where things just happen. They know each moment is powerful. For it is in the moment when they create their future by asking their higher power for what they want. Knowing that their asking coupled with their faith and expectation will create in their life all that they desire.

Stop and take five minutes of your present and ask yourself; Where do I live; in the past, in the future, or in the present moment?

Then remember – it is never too late to start creating the life you want. NOW!

With Love,

Michael

Fear of the Unknown

6 Feb

A fear of the unknown keeps a lot of people from leaving bad situations. ~Kathie Lee Gifford

How many people do you know that are stuck? They may be stuck in the wrong marriage, the wrong job, the wrong relationship, the wrong career, and any number of other wrong situations. Probably plenty. I’m sure you’ve wanted to ask them why? Why do they stay where they are? Why do they allow life to pass them by? Why don’t they do something to help themselves? But you haven’t because you were afraid they’d take your question the wrong way, thinking it’s too personal or intrusive.

For the same reason you don’t ask, they don’t leave a bad situation. That reason is fear. And to be more specific, this deep down titanic fear is their fear of the unknown. To all too many people, the unknown is analogous to a bottomless abyss. Dark, foreboding and scary. They fear going from the known, as bad as it might be, to the unknown which to them could be a whole lot worse. And so they do nothing.

There is something I call the greater fear syndrome. Let me give you an example. My sister was in a bad marriage. Her husband was a gambler. She liked being married and enjoyed doing couples things with their friends. After she divorced her first husband she went through a period where to her married friends she was no longer a couple, and some of the wives even saw her as a threat to stealing their husbands. Thus she lost many of her friends. My sister’s greatest fear was being in a similar situation once again.

It wasn’t until her gambling husband gambled away their home and her business that she overpowered her fear and found the courage to finally get a divorce. The fear of not being a couple and facing the unknown as a divorced woman was overshadowed by her fear of living on the street. The greater fear prompted her to act.

Now you are probably asking; why did it have to take so long? I wish I had a simple answer. In so many cases where a person is stuck in a bad situation they see no way out. And often a strong sense of shame prevents them from sharing their fears with others. They believe that if others knew that a bright, intelligent person like themself could wind up in a situation like this, they’d abandon them as a friend. And then where would they be?

If you have a friend experiencing a similar bad situation, be the friend they need. They are completely overwhelmed and can’t see the forest through the trees. Get them to share with you what’s going on in their life. Let them speak and be a good listener. Let them know that they’re not alone. That you and many others are there for them. And please, don’t judge them. This is not the time to shame them and point out that each of us is responsible for all the things in our lives. They have plenty of time to learn this once they’re back on their feet.

To no fear of the unknown,

Michael