Tag Archives: ego

Arrogance and Your Ego!

21 Mar

Arrogance has its roots in the ego. Get rid of your ego and you’ll no longer believe you’re a legend in your own mind. ~Michael Luckman in Luckman’s Laws

I admit it. I have been accused of being a little arrogant in my past. Well, perhaps more than a little bit. And maybe more times than I care to remember.

Arrogance can often be mistaken for self-confidence. But if you read my book Overpowering Fear – Defeating the #1 Challenge in Sales and Life you would know that my arrogance caused me some very difficult, uncomfortable and unhappy times in my life.

Where did my arrogance come from? I believe it came from my ego. You see your ego, which has never been your friend, compares you and your possessions, to others. Very often with disastrous results, especially when in comparison to another you don’t measure up.

Arrogance is really the hard protective shell on the outside that protects the fear, doubt and uncertainly you feel on the inside. The shell becomes your “false front” or the face and personality you show the world.

If you’ve been branded as arrogant first look to your ego and then past it to your fears. Focus on those fears and then overpower them. Once those fears are gone you’ll see that with their departure they graciously took your ego with them.

No ego, No arrogance.

With Love,

Michael

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Why Does Rejection Hurt So Much?

7 Mar

Fear of rejection is a sign of neediness – specifically, the need to be liked. ~Jim Camp

Where and when did it start? Was it in Kindergarten or even before? Even though we never like to hear it, we do expect to hear the word “No” from our family, and usually without much emotional  turmoil. But hearing it from a stranger, as in; “No, I’m not interested!” “No, I don’t want to be your friend.” “Please don’t call again.” can cause us a whole lot of hurt. But why? Why should being rejected feel so bad?

The reason I like the above quote so much is that Mr. Camp sees it as coming from a sense of neediness. Or, more specifically, the need to be liked. And that is certainly understandable. We are social creatures. It has been the history of mankind that we prefer to live in tribes, to be a part of a social network, to feel the comfort and safety one experiences from living with others that share our culture and it’s common values.

But that still does not explain why rejection causes us the potent fear and pain we feel. Why the intense need to be liked? My belief is that it has something to do with the ego. Your ego tells you who you are, and in no uncertain terms. Your ego has defined you and has painted a picture of you that it can’t help but constantly share with you.  This picture is made up of all the low opinions and negative comments ever said to you and about you by others. Most of which are not and never were true. But your ego doesn’t care about you or your feelings

Your ego will often point out to you all the things you lack and all the not enoughs you believe about yourself. Like: not talented enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough; not athletic enough, just plain not enough. When you are rejected your ego is front and center to help remind you of all the stupid and irrational reasons you were rejected. But most of them had nothing to do with you, and more to do with the person rejecting you.

If you’re a salesperson and you cold called a prospect and they got mad at you, it wasn’t you! First of all you probably sounded like a salesperson. That’s a kiss of death. Second you probably went into a boring sales pitch without ever finding out if they even had a need for what you were selling. They rejected you because you interrupted their day. If this is your fear learn to be a professional and do and say the “right” things when making cold calls.

If you were rejected in a social situation try to look at it from all sides. Most people have outgrown their juvenile need to be better than their peers. Most don’t go out of their way to hurt another person’s feelings, but may inadvertently do it. They may have been having a horrible day and they took it out on you. So what? You lived didn’t you.

It is important to understand; your ego is not your friend. Think about it. Would you be friends with another person if they constantly reminded you of all your faults, failures and mistakes? Would you be friends with someone who was always comparing you and your possessions to others and their possessions? I’m sure you wouldn’t.

The next time your ego chooses to speak negatively about you, tell it to stop. Let go of the ego’s negative thought and replace it with a thought that reminds you of your Greatness.

With Love,

Michael

 

Am I Good Enough?

31 Jan

It saddens me whenever I hear somebody say they’re not good enough at some thing or task. I think, who’s really telling them that? The person saying it or someone in their past who convinced them that this was true?

Each of us carries with us these deep seated beliefs that we are in some way inferior to others. That “others” are better than us, smarter than us, more talented than us, more skilled than us, prettier than us, thinner than us, richer than us, and a host of other negative not enoughs. And, of course, the granddaddy of them all, not deserving enough.

As if there were two separate societies; the less deserving one that we live in and the privileged one for all those who are “enough.”

The fact is, everybody has this fear of being not enough in at least one area of their life, and it doesn’t matter how educated they are, or how rich, or even how talented they may be.

The fear of being not enough prevents each of us from attaining what we truly desire and believe we deserve. All too often it stops us in our tracks and prevents us from even trying. A Course in Miracles tells us that it is God’s wish that his children have everything. And who are we to argue with God.

The fact is; YOU ARE ENOUGH! Always have been. Always will be.

With my love,

Michael

 

Thinking They Hit a Triple!

10 Jan

Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple. – Barry Switzer

I first came across this quote by Barry Switzer during the recent presidential campaign. Not only does it describe one of the candidates but so many people I have met and disliked over the years.

Oh, I know what you’re thinking. There goes Michael. What happened to his spiritually? I thought he was loving and accepting of everyone.

Well, I am, with the exception of assholes. We all have met people like this. Since they were born with money they have absolutely no idea how the majority of “ordinary” people live their lives. I remember in the campaign when Ann Romney was describing the first few years of her marriage to Mitt and living in a small apartment, eating dinner off of an ironing board because they had no table. And when money became tight, Mitt had to sell some stock. STOCK! STOCK! Who the hell had stock to sell when they were first starting out?

I remember my wife’s and my first monthly budget. We took envelopes and wrote on the front the monthly expense: rent, car payment, insurance, etc. Then each paycheck we’d take cash and put it into the proper envelope, and hope that when the bill was due we’d have enough to cover it.

Actually, I don’t really begrudge people who were born rich. Although the majority of my friends are self-made, I do have friends and family members that were raised with money and used that foundation to make even more money. No, the people I don’t like are those that lord it over other people because they have money and think that having money makes them better than other people.

They say that money does not buy happiness, and that’s true. But it does buy you a relatively large ego if you so desire.

To us ordinary folks,

Michael

Other’s Lives Are Not Always What We Think

4 Jan

People assume I’m out there having this great life, but money doesn’t erase the pain. When you’re young you barrel through life, making choices without thinking of repercussions. A few years down the line, you wake up in a certain place and wonder how the hell you got there. – Jennifer Lopez

So beautiful, so talented, and so very much like each of us.

There are two very important lessons to be learned in today’s quote. So let’s talk about them.

I think growing up in America most of us share a common dream; to be rich, talented and famous. And the wonderful thing about this great country is that each of us has an equal opportunity to achieve what we seek. It’s the American Dream. Of course, we do need a little talent to begin with.

But there is a lie behind the dream. The lie is that once we attain our fame and riches our lives will somehow be perfect. We expect to be happy. We expect to magically overpower and face all of our fears and demons. We expect tranquility, but instead those who reach their dream often feel the same fears, doubts and uncertainties they did before they became famous.

Fame, fortune and notoriety may drive your ego to the point of arrogance, but it won’t change how you view yourself. Only you can make that change by controlling the thoughts you allow to take hold in your mind.

The other important lesson to be learned in today’s quote is this: every day you make hundreds, perhaps even thousands of decisions. Most you do unconsciously without much forethought. What should I have for lunch? Should I take the freeway or surface streets to work? Others we do consciously by giving more thought and consideration to the decision we will make; should I accept that position in Boston and how will this affect my family?

Each decision is a choice, and each choice has its consequences and repercussions. Some of those will be good, some bad and some dire. There is a name for this; we call it Cause and Effect. Every choice you make is a cause and what happens afterwards to you are its effects.

Ms. Lopez believes that it happens to you mostly when you’re young. I disagree. Unless you learn how cause and effect works in your life you will continue to make wrong, kneejerk choices. And those choices will bring into your life exactly what you don’t want.

So my advice: Think things through before you make your decision. Then choose wisely.

To your dreams and better choices,

Michael

POWER – Our Deepest Fear!

2 Jan

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. ~Marianne Williamson

Marianne Williamson is the bestselling author of A Return to Love which is based upon A Course in Miracles. In fact, it was the reading of her fabulous book that turned me on to A Course in Miracles, and it was through ACIM that I found my own spirituality.

A Course in Miracles states that the opposite of love is fear. Ms. Williamson has chosen to write about love, and how it is our birthright and a gift of God that we should experience, not just sometimes, but all the time; perfect love. I, on the other hand, chose to write my first book on fear (Overpowering Fear – Defeating the #1 Challenge in Sales and Life) and how important it is for each of us to find the perfect love we seek by overpowering our fears. To think that the only thing that prevents us from experiencing constant joy and happiness is fear, and most fears are not real, but only the delusional thoughts in our minds.

The reason I love the above quote so much is because it reminds me so much of myself. And I’ll tell you why. So many of us see ourselves as less than perfect. Yes, we do some things well, but for the most part we see ourselves as flawed, inadequate, and just not good enough. Often, we are our own worst critic. I used to say to others when I screwed up; “You don’t have to beat me up. I can do a pretty good job of that myself. There is nothing you can say to me that I haven’t already said to myself multiple times.”

What Marianne is saying is what A Course in Miracles teaches us, that we are all children of God, and God does not create anything less than perfection. That our human self (ego) may convince us that we are not good enough, maybe not deserving enough, but according to God, we are. We fear our inadequacies because we are afraid to face what is the real truth, that each of us is a creator, bestowed by our creator with the tools necessary to create for ourselves a perfect life. We fear to pick-up the tools of power because we are afraid that we won’t know how to use that power.

For the New Year try to repeat this affirmation every day:

I am not weak, but Strong. I am not a loser, but a Winner. I am not helpless, but Powerful. For I am the Holy Son (Daughter) of God himself. And God made me powerful beyond measure. I accept my Power given to me by my Father.

To you and your best year ever,

Michael

My “True Self” Knows No Limits

12 Dec

A Born Rich Affirmation: My “True Self” knows no limits; that in truth, I am quite capable of having, doing, or being virtually anything I desire to be.

It has been said over and over throughout recorded history that we, as human beings, are powerful beyond measure. That if we only recognized our divinity, our greatness, given to us by our creator, we could accomplish virtually anything. So, why are we not, these incredible creators of miracles?

According to A Course in Miracles, when we were born a veil came down blocking our remembrance of who we really were, the holy children of God. We took on the cloak of a human body that caused us to forget that we were divine, incredibly powerful and destined for a life of greatness.

You see, this human body came with two equally strong emotions; love and fear, plus a thinking mind and a built-in nemesis, the ego. In addition, we have been given the gift of free choice. God promised us that our gift of free choice would be unconditional, meaning that no choice we ever made would be judged by God.

But God did say that although we have free choice, we still must live with the consequences of our choices. And here lies the problem. We desire love but often let fear overwhelm us, especially when the ego speaks up and sides with fear. Then it reminds us of all our past wrong choices and all our “not good enough” beliefs about ourselves. And, so we settle for a life of littleness even though our Father promised us a life of Greatness.

All of the above is the bad news. Now here is the good news. You can change your life this very moment. And you do it by changing your thoughts. No longer do you have to accept negative delusional thoughts that lock you in fear. Decide now to monitor what you are thinking. This is actually quite simple. Positive thoughts give you feelings of joy and happiness. Negative thoughts create the fear you feel in your body. Next time you are feeling fear stop and examine what you are thinking. Once identified as a negative thought replace it with a positive one. And this is how you do it.

Say out loud: “(Your higher power) I cast the burden of this negative thought about _______ on you, and I go free. I ask that you replace this thought with a positive thought about _______.

To your Greatness,

Michael