Tag Archives: ego

Check Your Ego at the Door

24 Oct

Check your ego at the door and check your gut instead. Every right decision I have ever made has come from my gut. ~Oprah Winfrey

If you read my book Overpowering Fear – Defeating the #1 Challenge in Sales and Life you’ll know that I don’t think much of the ego, yours or mine.

Your ego is not your friend. Its sole purpose is to compare you to others. And when that happens you’re either going to win or lose. If your ego finds you superior to another or another’s possessions, you feel good about yourself. If your ego finds you lacking compared to another you feel terrible. There is no in-between.

Whenever you make a decision based upon what your ego is telling you the probability that you’ll make the wrong decision is at its highest. But when you allow intuition to guide you, you can almost never be wrong.

Intuition communicates through your gut. When you make the right decision your gut speaks to you through your heart, and makes it sing. It’s at that moment that you know you made the RIGHT decision.

Love,

Michael

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Don’t Let Anybody Bully You!

19 Sep

Luckman’s Law: Don’t let anybody bully you, including your own ego.

The funny thing about this Luckman’s Law is that for most, we still allow others to bully us. It could be a boss, your co-workers, your customers or maybe even your spouse.

Nobody should be a bully and nobody should allow others to bully them.

The best response that I’ve found when confronted by a bully is to fight back. I’m not talking about swinging a right hook. I’m talking about standing up to the bully and let them know you aren’t going to stand there and take their crap. Most bullies depend upon their victim to cower in fear, and that’s because most do. But your average bully doesn’t expect you to respond in such a drastic fashion. And when confronted, typically backs down.

Now, let’s talk about a more insidious bully. Your ego. You see, my belief is that your ego is not your friend. Never has been and never will be. Your ego is there simply to compare you and your possessions to others. When you compare favorably you feel good. On top of the world. Ready to conquer any challenge. But when you are compared unfavorably, when you don’t measure up, the first emotion you feel is fear. Fear that you’re not good enough, rich enough, talented enough, deserving enough or whatever. When the fear comes your confidence goes. You feel uncertain and begin to doubt yourself, your talents and your abilities. And then, when your confidence disappears, expect your self-esteem to follow.

Your ego uses your voice to tell you things that others have said, and lead you to believe were true about yourself. But the majority of what your little voice tells you are lies. Someone in your distant past, when you were too young to argue, planted the seed that you were in some way inferior to others, perhaps even defective. You accepted it because you thought it was the truth. Now I’m telling you, it’s not.

The bad news is that you probably have a strong ego that gains pleasure in putting you down. The good news is you can eliminate your ego. A Course in Miracles discusses this in great detail, but it really is just a matter of refusing to listen to your ego. When that little voice starts talking to you you have a choice. You can listen and let its words take hold in your conscious mind and feel fear, or you can say to your ego, thanks for the advice, but no thanks. And let those negative thoughts disappear. It may take some time for your ego to finally listen to you. So, never never give up.

Love,

Michael

Fear Within the Sexes

24 Jul

At their core, women fear that men will kill them. At their core, men fear that women will laugh at them. ~Gavin de Becker

This will be the first time that I’ve written a blog on quotes where I’m only knowledgeable on half of the quote. Having never been a woman, nor have any desire to be, I can’t speak on the first part of the quote “women fear that men will kill them.” But I certainly can speak to the male part, AND IT IS THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH.

From a very early age boys strive to impress girls. It’s our nature. We may even deny any interest in girls but our egos are tightly intertwined with what they think of us. We don’t possess a magnificent plume of feathers to make an impression with, but we are quite capable of doing and saying some very stupid things. What we fear is female rejection.

As we get older this fear intensifies. It begins about junior high when we begin to see the opposite sex in a whole new light, and it never ends. Not in high school, college or anytime in our lives. We carry this fear with us always.

Let me ask the women reading this article; Have you ever seen a man that you’d like to meet spend a great deal of time looking at you, but never approaches you to introduce himself? You’re probably wondering what’s wrong with him. And you may even start to think, what’s wrong with me? There is nothing wrong with you. It’s all about him. And here is the kicker, the more attractive the woman the more fear the man experiences.

Until I read this quote by Mr. de Becker I always believed that our fear was in just being rejected, but it is more than that. What we really fear is being laughed at, which to us, is the ultimate rejection. Our egos cannot tolerate being the object of a women’s laughter.

When laughed at some men will slink away to lick their wounds, but others will respond in a more negative fashion. I think it depends on how much their ego is tied in with their feelings of self-worth. It is these men that add credence to the first part of this quote.

What’s the answer? You tell me.

With love,

Michael

The Fear of Giving up Your Ego

17 Jun

In past blogs I talked about getting rid of your ego. I suggested killing it off so it will never again have the opportunity to stand in your way of having, being and doing all that you desire.

The reason I am so against the ego is that I believe it has only one function; to compare you and your possessions to others and their possessions. When you compare yourself favorably to another you feel pretty good about yourself, sort of superior. But, when your comparison finds you inferior to another it is a totally different story. A negative judgment manifests itself in fear, doubt, uncertainty and always disappointment.

Frequently these negative emotions cause us to lose confidence in ourselves along with our sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Often, we feel deflated and no longer the king of our domain. It becomes difficult to work at maximum efficiency, especially when our heart just isn’t in it.

The best example of this is the salesperson doing walk-ins and cold calls. When this person is rejected by the suspect, their ego, as the designated defender of their person, floods their mind with fear, uncertainty and doubt. These thoughts turn into the feelings of fear and emptiness felt within the body, and soon they’re ready to give up, to quit and throw in the towel.

While many people have agreed with this based upon the responses to my earlier blogs, many have expressed fear about what would happen to them if they did eliminate their ego. They saw the ego as their personality and their personality is how they are known, respected, valued and loved. Their fear is that they would no longer be themselves. That instead of the outgoing person with a terrific sense of humor they would now become a human zombie. Devoid of all emotions. But this couldn’t be further from the truth.

When you voluntarily give up your ego the only thing that changes is the constant comparisons to others, and the negative feelings they engender. The loving, generous person with the funny personality doesn’t change one bit.

With no ego, you will now see people as who they really are and they’ll get to see the real you. Who could ask for anything better than that?

With love,

Michael

Do You Really Need Your Ego?

29 May

Your ego is your friend. Am I right? No! That’s WRONG! Your ego is your sworn enemy. In fact, if you died tomorrow, your ego could not care less. Of course, when your body dies, your ego dies too. But your ego doesn’t know that.

At birth you had no ego. But as you grew you began to develop this ego to help distinguish your being from others. My name, Michael Luckman, and my ego differentiate me from all other humans. And thus I live and act in an ego based world.

The reason I dislike the ego so much is because it constantly compares us to others. We ask ourselves: Am I as smart as Roger? Is my home larger than my neighbor’s? Am I taller than John? Is Bob a better baseball player? Am I as pretty as Suzy? Is my car more expensive than Sam’s? Is my dress sexier than Sharon’s.

When the answers to these inquiries are yes, you feel pretty good about yourself. But what happens when the answer comes back a no? What then?

Typically, the first emotion you feel is fear, and a total emptiness inside. Then comes a loss of self-esteem followed by a loss of self-confidence. And when that happens you are unable to function at your best; at work, at home and at play.

What would happen if you killed off your ego and stopped listening to it? Actually nothing. Nothing, except for the disappearance of all negative feelings of jealousy, frustration, fear, rage, shame, anger, embarrassment, depression, inferiority and worry (did I miss anything?).

Not a bad tradeoff. Right?

With Love,

Michael

I Wish You Wouldn’t Talk to Me Like That!

22 Apr

Let’s pretend that you had a friend that you liked and felt connected to, but every day when they spoke to you they said things that weren’t very nice. In fact, some of the things they told you could be downright nasty, negative and hurtful.

They might have told you that your clothes didn’t look good on you. That you were putting on weight and soon nothing would fit.

When you had an idea that you thought you’d like to pursue they told you all the reasons why you would most likely fail. Why it wouldn’t work. They might even question your intelligence by calling you stupid or dumb.

At work they might remind you that your talents are few and it probably would be smart not to ask for a raise or promotion. Just stay where you are and be happy you have a job.

If you’re interested in somebody of the opposite sex they might remind you not to get your hopes up too high, considering all your past romances that failed. They may even tell you that the person you’re interested in is out of your league. To settle for someone more like you.

Now let me ask you this, would you continue to be friends with this person considering how they talk to you? I’m sure your answer would be no. Perhaps HELL NO! You would want nothing to do with this person. Because they are certainly not your friend.

Well this “friend” is not easy to get rid of, because this friend is you. For so many, this is how you speak to yourself. You don’t need someone else to tell you these hurtful things because you do a damn good job of beating yourself up and tearing yourself down.

This is your ego talking to you and this must STOP!!! And the first thing you must do is realize that practically everything you say to yourself is a LIE. Yes a lie. Told to you over and over again by someone else; your parents, grandparents, other relatives, friends, siblings, classmates and even teachers. Sometimes it was said to you with love and sometimes with malice, with the intent to hurt you. You accepted these lies about yourself and now you believe them as the truth. But they are not the truth. Never have been and never will be.

If you only knew how truly powerful you are, you wouldn’t put up with this incessant mind numbing garbage for one minute longer.

Just remember your greatest power: You can literally change your thoughts. And when you change your thoughts you change your life.

With Love,

Michael

Who Does Your Ego Compare You To?

11 Apr

Let’s begin by understanding this; your ego is NOT your friend. Friends say and do things that make us feel good about ourselves. Egos say and do things that make us feel bad, sometimes real bad about ourselves.

Your ego is of the body. When you die your ego dies with you. It’s not something you can bequeath to others, nor would others want it. They’ve got their own egos to deal with. Our egos are there to constantly compare us, and our possessions, to others. They are the ones that remind us of all of our “not enoughs.”  You know the “not enoughs.” Not pretty enough. Not talented enough. Not creative enough. Not coordinated enough. Not smart enough. Not skinny enough. Not athletic enough. Just plain — not enough.

Now where does the ego get this garbage from? They get it from others. Others who have judged us, either rightly or wrongly. They are our parents, grandparents, siblings, friends, school mates, teammates, teachers, boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses, employers and the list goes on and on. Sometimes these things have been told us with love, “Don’t worry about this honey; some kids are just better at math than others. You’ll be good at something else.” And sometimes, they have been told us with malice, “We don’t want Luckman on our team. He couldn’t catch the ball even if we put it in his hands.” Either way, your ego remembers all of these things and in an instant will remind you of them, and to hell with how these words make you feel.

As I said, your ego is not your friend. When faced with new challenges the first thing our ego does is to whisper to us, “You can’t do that. You’re not (fill in the blank) enough. You’ll be found out that you’re not too (fill in the blank). Everyone will laugh at you. You won’t be able to take the embarrassment and the humiliation. You’ll lose your job. You’ll lose your friends. Your life, as you know it, will be over.”

And with these words of “endearment” comes the fear. The fear that grips our hearts. The fear that becomes the knot in our bellies. The fear that sets our minds racing with one delusional thought after another. The fear that forces us to give up the things in our lives that we truly want and that we truly deserve. It is this fear that makes us compromise our dreams. The fear that makes us settle for less. This senseless irrational fear that keeps us plodding along the ground with the turkeys instead of soaring with the eagles where we truly belong.

We were each created for greatness if only, if only, we could overpower our fears.

With Love,

Michael